Even God knows being an Arsenal fan is hard. Here is a prayer/conversation that ensued between the two recently.

Dear Lord, let’s win the remaining matches and qualify for top 4 and win FA cup.

God: OH! You know it means Wenger stays.

OK wait, let’s lose all the match and Wengerout!

God: OK. Good. It’s…

Please wait, it means no Champions League next season abi?

God: Yup! But it’s not like you will win it anyways

Ermmm can’t you make us win it? You are God.

God: Yeah my hands are not shorten but Wenger is principalities there, he says he has made blood sacrifice, I kinda have to keep my words with him too, if he says no Champions League, no Champions League.

Damn! Okay. Let’s start all over. Wengerout! Bad games, no FA cup until he is forced to.

God: OK.

Wait! All these my Chelsea and Man United frienemy will give me sticks the entire break and new season.

God: You can bet on that baby and deservedly so. You are troublesome my darling.

Even you God? Chai! No Champions League and Chelsea win the league,  that’s murder.

God: I agree darling. Those people are something.

Let Chelsea lose and not win the League at least, their fans are riotous

God: Oh okay. Tottenham then

Oh lord no! We are arch rivals

God: Baby you are a Nigerian.

Still nau, Manchester United?

God: Iyeneunwired.com Mou is finished you don’t like Mourinho and we can’t have fine artists as champions. It’s a soccer competition.

True, Manchester City?

God: Messi, this is not Spain or Germany

Oh! Correct sire.  Liverpool?

God: Lol. Moving on, Iyene Chelsea kinda deserve it, they have worked so hard, you really like Conte and there’s not so much I can tweak here love

I know they have worked so hard but can’t you cheat them?

God: Iyene???

Sorry sir.

God: Plus I have a feeling even if I force everyone else to lose, Wenger will still find a way to throw it away.

It’s bad right?

God: Yup! Wenger almost makes this God job hard. You think they are days I have not orchestrated for you guys to win the League?

I know Lord. Sighs. I’m depressed Lord.

God: Maifren sharrap! Even Ozil that they are paying millions is not depressed, Ramsey is not depressed, Bellerin, that one woke up and suddenly started wearing hairstyle like girls in Telemundo, is he depressed? Or Giroud, him and Nigerian tailors, I don’t know the difference and you said what?

I’m sorry sir. But I think  Ozil and Sanchez are.

God: That’s Ozil’s face. It is Sanchez I pity. What can I do to help at least a little.

*shrugs. I want ice-cream

God: check your account.

Oh thanks!

Some minutes later…

Dear Lord can we win…

God: Iyene please don’t start


Dedicated to all Arsenal fans

Disclaimer: the work of plasmodiasis

Photo credit: Austin Nwanze

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