Iyene your friend broke up with me oh!”

Said I wasn’t good enough” Michael suddenly announced from nowhere.

Bromhidrosis said what? This was the second time I had the guts to call Michael’s recently exed girlfriend by the name we had fashioned for her three months ago. The first time was when Michael told me that the girl he was wooing came to spend a night at his place.

Iyene, wahala dey oh” He had began the morning after. What can be wahala Michael? Busty came to your place?

Nothing happened oh!” He said, to my absolute dismay. Michael are you dead? I wanted to know. You see the only person I could trust with Michael was myself, our friend zone was made in Eden, he was technically related to me by affiliation and well, Jesus.

So when Michael told me his “Busty” slept over and nothing happened, it didn’t even feel victorious he finally heeded my “Camdam, before you kee yasef on top breast oh” advice. I was worried.

Michael told me how the stench from “Busty” was so bad, he couldn’t sleep, even his joystick ran and hid under his intestines.
I told him perhaps he had rushed to browsing while she was still sweaty from the day’s hustle.

Iyene, you don’t understand, she baff, e still dey smell”

At this point, I weak.

I checked on Google, it’s called Bromhidrosis (greek: bromos_hidros; ∼ the buck’s stench_sweat), also known as consecutive body odour (b.o.), it is a common phenomenon in postpubertal individuals….” Michael explained.

In the coming days, Michael went ahead to say he would stay with her, he really liked her. But because bromhidrosis is not something you tell someone anyhow, my guy was waiting for a perfect moment to tell Busty but he always gifted her body sprays and stuff.

So, you are dating bromhidrosis Michael? That was the first time I called her that, I truly felt I needed to hit him hard with the info in case na jazz she use, he didn’t realize it or because I couldn’t resist it. He laughed and said yes.

If Michael wanted this badly, we might as well get serious. I never called her Bromhidrosis again but we made research, how to “cope”, doctors to see, the walks, we were still in the business “saving” her when…

Fastforward to today. “Iyene oh! Haha! Na really Bromhidrosis,

She met someone online and they had one date in AC tight Chinese Restaurant and I am not good enough, she said” Michael had his throaty laugh, the infectious one.

I am glad you are taking this well, I said.

“Iyene, Jesus just saved me from bad odour. I am paying tithe on Sunday and giving First Fruit…”

But this life sha… You will be treating people who are nothing like something and they start feeling like more things.

Have you had a similar experience? Share please.

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