Dikeembattled actress and new mom has made big reveals that says her husband is a serial cheat but another shocker is that she alleged that she had gifted herself things and claimed it was from her spouse to make him who he is.
Contrary to opinions from many quarters, I feel this is not unique to only superstars. I think it happens to the average woman.
What is the psychology behind this? What is the purpose? Does it serve as a boost for men or the women’s ego? Does it in anyway preserve the relationship?
Let me begin from this angle, celebrities all over the world have one thing in common, they are not even good role models, they make bad super models, they feed us with form not function, illusion not substance so at the end of the day that larger than life image that they have projected to almost everyone around the world who cares to admire them is revealed to be hollow, actually nothing to learn from them.
So when they get into marriage, they want to project themselves as “have it all” screen goddesses. They might have a spouse who does not have time or finances for that or who beats them to pulp, who cannot live up to that standard and like in Tonto’s case, who cheats, these celebrities will put up facades apparently until push gets to shove they spill the ugly truths.
Now for the average woman who lives in Lekki or Okokomaiko, I believe the women who buy stuff then claim it was a gift from their spouses are those who belong to the clique of “Women married to Big Boys”. It is largely about the friends she keeps. A woman who has friends that consistently show stuff bought by their spouses will be under pressure to do same. She undergoes more pressure if he really used to buy stuff before the marriage and suddenly stops after marriage. She has to keep up appearances. Anybody that doesn’t keep a circle of friends that can put that kind of “lie-lie” pressure on them cannot/ won’t even need to pull off that kind of stunts.
As per whose ego is boosted, I believe it is both. Predominantly, the women who see marriage or having a man as an achievement they suddenly assume a status that put them above single women and especially those whose spouses earn less. Many women even men are tempted to always flaunt how their lives is dapper than their contemporaries even if they have to pay for these extra shine.
Some other women feel strongly to justify to their friends why they stay in their relationships or are faithful to a cheating or broke man, it is a feel-good gratification that she is seen as the luckiest.
The husband or boyfriend too is not left out. He stands tall amongst her friends, they will regard him as the “omniprovider” and “BetaMan” If they have mutual friends all the better. He will receive accolades from his friends because somehow the men would hear about his ability to give his wife whatever she wants. Ultimately they become the “Dandiest Couple” in town.
Does it preserve the relationship? Some school of thoughts insist that, a lady who loves her man will buy only the needful things and could claim it’s her man who bought it to protect the relationship from external vultures who don’t mind their businesses. Those actions will help the man save face for the time being especially if he is genuinely broke and does well with matters unconnected to money.
But then again it should tell the man he married a fake woman, it also reminds the woman that her man isn’t doing enough. Like every lie, it has a time limit, like an elastic band that had been under pressure for a long time will snap and nothing can be done about it.
In the long run more sinister dangers may be birthed. Some ladies may assume the role of leadership instead of partners, some men may feel emasculated, there is a destructible tendency to keep up appearances at all times and because they had it in the public eye, another Tonto Dike will arise.
Another twist to ponder however, is a scenario where the father lost his job and the wife had to provide but she made sure the children thought the father was still in charge…
Share your thoughts.