I leave everything I am doing to attend this job interview. It is for 9 but I can’t underestimate Lagos traffic so I get there by 7:46am. I already feel awkward. What will the receptionist think of me? Desperado? But she is not there yet. No-one is to make me feel ashamed only a fellow desperado.

By past 8 other desperadoes start to trickle in and finally some staff. By 8:30, I already knew we couldn’t start by 9. It is 10:15 we finally look like we will do what we came here to do.

Just then a lady finally addresses us, she introduces herself and the company and goes, “we have a tradition here, so let’s stand up, holds hands and pray”

Huh! I am waiting for her to throw her head back and laugh and then say, “Just kidding y’all” but no, outstretched hands, ready to kabash.

Hey God! What did I ever do to deserve this?

I will just walk out, who wants to even work in a company that resumes by 10:30am and still have time to conduct service when their mates have already made millions this morning?

Wait it out Iyene, wait it out. My broke inner man counsels.

“It is just a short one” the lady said, sensing our unease. She says some prayers, most of us are just standing and definitely not holding hands.

The aptitude test is easy, they say write an essay, I am very tempted to just tell them what I think about them but as a good Christian woman, not today.

During the interview, I actively wait for when we can get to my praying abilities, let me tell them how we used to roll in Volleyball Court, Uniben but alas! The job description doesn’t require Prayer Fervency, Word Deciphering and Lift up/Hold Ya Hands Proficiency.

“So we have recently launched a product, tell us 3 ways you will drive it into the market despite stiff competition.

Okay. First things
1. I am going to fire everyone in this office, from gateman to the HR to the GM,

Then I will haul the owner of this business straight into a School of Theology, You have no business doing business man!

Finally, I will get meself a team who has the tenacity to compete and do just that.

Of course i didn’t say that…

I sat down humbly and tried to impress some very unserious people.

Shey it is me that is looking for work?

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