W

omen are terrible drivers… (Ducks. Can’t you take a joke? Hehe…) Including me. I think in this part of the world, we get a little defiant as with everything we do that is perceived a ‘man’s thing’. We do not want to be seen as weak or incompetent in anything the average man thinks is his birth right. So try to overtake a female driver and she literally burrows her now increased head into the steering.

This was one of those days. One woman driver refused to wait. What turned this movie to a full blown series was a tiny, fire-cracker; another woman. She walked out of her car with the confidence of Goliath. One look at her and I knew this would take some time so I wound down a little and was rewarded almost immediately.

The other woman came out of her car too and advanced towards the small lady muttering some angry words. She was a large woman, heavily made up fa…

“TO-WHY!” The loud slap took the face out of my mouth. The large woman reeled in shock. Who could blame her, I wasn’t the recipient but even my cheek hurt.

“TOR-WHY” The small lady landed another blinder. I had to wonder if she had a ‘slap-reservoir’ the other woman winced. She gathered her strength and gave a tired, lazy ‘blow-slap-push-shove’ I couldn’t tell what it was really but it managed to meet the small lady’s chin and boy! Was she not infuriated?

I lost count of the slaps that followed from small lady’s fist and finally some good Samaritans thought we had had enough show. The large woman could barely stand but just when I thought I had seen it all a much younger looking lady came out from the small lady’s enormous car, walked up to small lady (by now, I had gotten a name for her, Latrodectus Hesperus aka The Black Widow and gave her a pat on the back and they delightfully entered their car like Wrestlemania Champions. I was stunned.

I couldn’t wait to share this but I was already running late on my date with Walter. You see, Walter is my future hubby only that I said no when he proposed. I think he is a great guy but we don’t quite click. He would have none of it though so he wants me to meet his family today.

“How was your day?” He asked when we finally meet. I hoped I could make him forget about the delay so I share the Black Widow story. It works, he is laughing so hard we forget the delay.When we get to his family house, he guides me into the house and my! It’s a beauty. Garden trimmed to perfection, floors scrubbed to pristine; I could swear the walls sparkled.

“Walter darling…”came a soft voice just behind us.

We turned. Walter dashed into a woman’s arms wrapping her. He was a giant to her. I knew this was his mother so I injected my smile, the not too ravishingly open, so I don’t look silly although I felt exactly like that.

Finally, Walter turned to me and said “Dearie my mum. Mum, Iyene…”

Golden brown hair, tiny, small lady, it was no other than Fire Cracker herself, Latrodectus Hesperus aka the Black Widow. It took a lot of will power not to scream and faint afterwards

‘Don’t just stand there, come give me a hug’ she enthused. I walked up to her quickly and gave her a serious one (the kind you have on BBM smiley, that makes you look like you are crying)in all sincerity I was.

We spent three hours there, she was more than gracious. She said severally that she was a good person and she loved me because we seem alike. Yea right! I won’t just beat up anybody on the highway or anywhere else though.

Walter and I still didn’t click. I told him most subtly. Trust, I didn’t want to upset him too much, he could tell Black Widow and that would be a disaster. You know what I mean…

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